Reviews

Okcupid should follow Fetlife for more metamour love and sexual identity options

OkCupid.com has been the popular dating site for polyamorous people for a while. They have a pretty solid history in sex-positive upgrades, increasing options for gender identity and sexuality over the last few years.

Screenshot from my okcupid account.

Screenshot from my okcupid account.

Polyamory and “open-relationship” options have been available for a while, but most recently OkCupid gave users the ability to link their profiles to another “partner” in open relationships. There was only one problem with this. It only gave the ability to link to one other account, which was a dead give away that developers at okcupid didn’t quite understand the variety and diverse nature of polyamorous relationships.

It reeked of “are you sure your partner knows what you’re doing?” and undermined the open communication and ethical practice polyamorous people strive to maintain. This was a pretty disappointing move for Okcupid, because they’re badasses at collecting and aggregating relationship data from their users. My high standards for customizable identity settings might be because I am also a member of Fetlife.

Fetlife is like Facebook for Kinksters. It was designed by John Baku to be a website for people with alternative lifestyles to be able to find each other and meet offline. Some people really want it to be more like an OkCupid - a dating site for Kinksters, but it's better used to participate in discussion groups, and to find real, in person events that are Kink friendly in your area.


Screenshot of identity options on Fetlife.com

Fetlife has had its privacy issues, just like Facebook has. But it also has a positive history in listening to and bending the the every whim of its members. There are dozens of options for genders, relationship types, and power dynamic roles. You can also link your account to as many other people as you like, with individual descriptions for each relationship.

If Okcupid wants to please the polyamorous and the growing Kink communities, they are going to have to play catch up to Fetlife. And Okcupid knows those alternative sexual communities are on the rise.

Okcupid just released a report stating that 58% of users thought about participating in bondage, and a whole bunch of them would rather be tied up than the one doing the tying. (Isn’t that the truth. Feels like every community is overrun with submissives and far too few dominants.)

Screenshot from the report released by Okcupid showing that more members are interested in kink related activities.

Fetlife may have spoiled me on individualized identity options on social media profiles. Okcupid is on the right track, but I won’t be happy until I can list my whole polycule and all my metamours. I want more metamour love on okcupid.

All of those relationships are important, and I love when new people I meet become friends with my loves. Those are building blocks of compersion. The joy of seeing people you love, love each other.


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