Fetlife Is Not the Las Vegas of the Internet

Cover photo courtesy of Circle23

Under the guise of helping us poor unwitting souls on Fetlife, one man has taken it upon himself to compile what he so sweetly named “The Meatlist.” The list contains the screen names, locations, and other details of every female under the age of 30 on Fetlife.

While that digs under your skin, I'll add some facts to the mix:



Fetlife is a 7 year old garage band to Nirvana company built by Kinksters, for Kinksters.

John Baku, the creator, has demonstrated strong entrepreneurial ethics. He makes a point to keep the source code free and open, as information should be. He also allows employees of Fetlife to work from home, creating jobs for people like single parents and disabled.

Each of the 3.8 million users can reach a Caretaker on Fetlife that will listen and respond to any issue within a day or so.

Fetlife transformed the way that Kinksters interact forever.  

We pay absolutely nothing for this service.

There are articles floating around right now about how Fetlife (you mean John Baku) has failed the Kink collective because he failed to keep someone from compiling the information they willingly (consent!) put on the internet into a handy dandy list.  And what does this all that means for the safety of young females who are in DANGER WILL ROBINSON DANGER of getting preyed upon because they make the "perfect submissives." 

Really? Where to begin... 

When I first posed the question of writing about things I saw on Fetlife on this website, the backlash I got from some people in my own community was nearing aggression. It was as if people really believed that Fetlife was some black hole on the internet that wasn’t applicable to everything we already know about the internet. I got news for you kiddos -



Fetlife is not the Las Vegas of the internet.

What you do on Fetlife will not stay on Fetlife. Everything you already know about internet security (ha!) applies to Fetlife. We all knew this would happen. It happened. Let’s move on.

Let’s talk about the real issues here, which is that this screams WELCOME TO THE PATRIARCH. The Meathead lamely claims that he is attempting to remind us all that we are not safe on the internet. That’s like the bully at school socking you in the nose just to remind you that it can still bleed. Especially in a community that prides itself on being risk aware (right?), this idiot’s actions are especially dumbfounding.

The truth is that he could have made the same (pointless) point by listing everyone on the site, or men over 50, or the deets of John Baku himself. But he didn’t. He tapped into Kinksters' greatest fears - being preyed upon and outed - and used it to twist us all into a giant knot of anxiety and rage.

What a fucking sadist.

I have the trick for beating the Sadist at his own game. Pretend it doesn’t hurt. We saw that strike coming, but we weren't braced for it. Now he's got his hooks in us. All we can do now that we're punctured and bleeding is breathe. Accept the pain he administered to all 3.8 million Fetlifers into your chest. Let the pain sit there heavy and hammering through your ribcage. Live it, and then let it go.